The Night I Became A Tree

[[I wrote this for you on December 8, 2006.
I don't know how to express how instrumental you were at that time in my life. We equally needed each other, and I hate that while you're gone, you might never know that. I wrote this after a night we had together, the first time I felt something, anything in a long, long time. I regret never giving this to you. Maybe one day, I will...]]


"Can you feel your roots sinking into the dirt? Can you feel your leaves?"
I can hear her talking, but I can't see her. I swat at invisible air in front of me.

"What?" I say, I realize my eyes are closed. "where are you?" I feel a shift next to me. Am I lying down? I smell booze and weed, and I feel light. "I think I'm floating....." Little things are coming to me in flashes: A kitchen scene, an Alice-like 'Drink Me' moment. Cigarettes and perfume. What did I just take? I can hear her next to me, but I don't want to open my eyes. I keep them closed. How did I get here?

"Are you a tree yet, Cheri? Are you?" Something cold clamps down on my arm. Frosty fingers that cut like ice. I imagined myself in my forest, being a tree. Tall and reaching past clouds. I nod even though I know she's not paying attention. I inhale and exhale. I see my branches extending, reaching to the sunny spots in the sky, children playing at the base of me. I hear music, she'd somehow turned on a record.

"What did you give me? What kind of tree are you?" I'm asking questions I know won't get answered. The last sip from the glass she'd offered comes crashing into my mind, colliding with my branches. A faint memory of thinking everything tasted like metal. And it was all over. Something heavy lands on my chest and I reach down to grasp ahold of it. She'd splayed herself over me, half on, half off. It was heavier than I'd expected. I open my eyes, and between slits I make out her shape which has turned dark from the light behind her. Am I awake or sleeping, I wonder. I smile because she's laying where I envision the thickest part of my trunk to be, I will myself to support her. I tap her on the head until I see blue eyes peeking at me. I can't speak anymore, or at least I don't think I can.

"I can see your tree, I can see you." She says. I was despreate to find out what sort of tree she'd become...was hers as tall as mine? I scrunch down so we could be parallel standing trees together.

"I can see your tree too." I say, finally, into her hair.