The Night I Became A Tree

[[I wrote this for you on December 8, 2006.
I don't know how to express how instrumental you were at that time in my life. We equally needed each other, and I hate that while you're gone, you might never know that. I wrote this after a night we had together, the first time I felt something, anything in a long, long time. I regret never giving this to you. Maybe one day, I will...]]


"Can you feel your roots sinking into the dirt? Can you feel your leaves?"
I can hear her talking, but I can't see her. I swat at invisible air in front of me.

"What?" I say, I realize my eyes are closed. "where are you?" I feel a shift next to me. Am I lying down? I smell booze and weed, and I feel light. "I think I'm floating....." Little things are coming to me in flashes: A kitchen scene, an Alice-like 'Drink Me' moment. Cigarettes and perfume. What did I just take? I can hear her next to me, but I don't want to open my eyes. I keep them closed. How did I get here?

"Are you a tree yet, Cheri? Are you?" Something cold clamps down on my arm. Frosty fingers that cut like ice. I imagined myself in my forest, being a tree. Tall and reaching past clouds. I nod even though I know she's not paying attention. I inhale and exhale. I see my branches extending, reaching to the sunny spots in the sky, children playing at the base of me. I hear music, she'd somehow turned on a record.

"What did you give me? What kind of tree are you?" I'm asking questions I know won't get answered. The last sip from the glass she'd offered comes crashing into my mind, colliding with my branches. A faint memory of thinking everything tasted like metal. And it was all over. Something heavy lands on my chest and I reach down to grasp ahold of it. She'd splayed herself over me, half on, half off. It was heavier than I'd expected. I open my eyes, and between slits I make out her shape which has turned dark from the light behind her. Am I awake or sleeping, I wonder. I smile because she's laying where I envision the thickest part of my trunk to be, I will myself to support her. I tap her on the head until I see blue eyes peeking at me. I can't speak anymore, or at least I don't think I can.

"I can see your tree, I can see you." She says. I was despreate to find out what sort of tree she'd become...was hers as tall as mine? I scrunch down so we could be parallel standing trees together.

"I can see your tree too." I say, finally, into her hair.

The Worst Excuse

This is an expression I've used libearlly over time:

"You can't out-fox the fox."

Lately I've been noticing a trend in girls, and that trend is slight dishonesties in light of saving graces. I consider myself a pretty evolved person, and it's merely coincidence as I sit here and write this on my 30th birthday.

I think this would be number one in my list of annoyances in the lesbian dating realm. White lies are welcome when you don't want to hurt someone's feelings, I suppose...But I'm the kind of girl you don't need to let down easy.

I'm 30.
I'm a big girl.
If you don't like me, I can defintiely take it.

My favorite girl-excuse as of late is, and are you ready for this one?

"I'm too busy to date right now."

This has to be my favorite excuse ever as to why girls like to ease out of dating in general. And in the past year, not that I'm a serial dater (ok, ok I am), I got this excuse a few times. That immediately makes me think the following:

You're multiple dating (which I could care less about because I am, too)
You're using me as a rebound (totally fine actually I welome this)
You're just not that into me (which also, totally ok)

Most girls call me a jerk, and I'm sitting here like actually I'm just honest. And maybe that's not something girls are used to, but if I'm not interested, or if I'm dating around and I want to spend more time with another girl, chances are I will plain stop talking to you. Because, really what is even the point?

Running the "I'm busy" excuse makes me discredit you immediately. Because lets be real girls: Don't sit there and tell me you wouldn't make time for someone you REALLY liked. So basically that makes me think you're full of shit so I will tell you what I think you want to hear "Ohhh that's ok." When inside I'm really like "Whatever, man." I moved on the minute I heard that shite excuse. What would REALLY be nice is: "You know, you're cool but I'm seeing another girl, too and I'd kind of like to see where that is going." I would totally respect you for this. Seriosuly. How can someone even be upset at that. We would even still be friends.

I would honestly appreciate that. Because what ends up happening 100% of the time is that a month later I find out through other people, (or you give yourself away on your status updates) that you're "In a relationship." So now I think you're a total liar and I hate liars. It's like wow, you're busy? Really? Apparently not since you had plenty of time to involve yourself with a girl in the meantime.

Also second runner up for an inexcusable excuse:
School (yeah. right. Sorry that's almost as bad as "I'm so busy right now." Unless you're studying to be a medical doctor or a rocket scientist, your whatever classes is all a sham).

Girls, please. Just be honest. I hate that I keep losing respect for girls that I think are good people, and then the boom gets lowered every time. Do me (and yourself) a favor and just learn to be straightforward. A little honesty goes a long way.

Why Twilight Insults the Intelligence

Now, I'm a lover of fiction. Actually if it hasn't been for Shirley Jackson, I don't think I would have ever been inspired to creatively write anything while growing up. I think what you write is oftentimes a relfection on your influences, as it should be. Sort of an outright applaud to an author that sparked that interest in you.

I'm fortunate enough to be in the company of a 10-year old girl who loves to read. While skimming books at my local Barnes and Noble one night I thought for a second she would enjoy the Twilight Series. After reading the first chapter I immediately put it down and picked up Coraline, which was written by this years Newberry Award Winner. Please keep in mind that the Twilight Series is listed as YA, as in Young Adult. As in the average age of a reader is 9 years old.

I wouldn't even take the time to bother with a rant such as this, but it honestly bothers me that books turned film like "Twilight" have sped off into warp speed Cult status that is normally reserved for REAL cult films (John Waters, anyone?). I'm still boggled as to how "Twilight" would ever be associated OR classified in the same category, but I guess that's up to the public to decide (sad).

I would be more open minded about the book/film should the book had been more properly written. And on that note, lets take a look at some background information on how research was "conducted." She was quoted as saying:

"For my setting, I knew I needed someplace ridiculously rainy. I turned to Google, as I do for all my research needs, and looked for the place with the most rainfall in the U.S. This turned out to be the Olympic Peninsula in Washington State."

And: "During the day, I couldn't stay away from the computer, either. When I was stuck at swim lessons, out in 115 degrees of Phoenix sunshine, I would plot and scheme and come home with so much new stuff that I couldn't type fast enough. It was your typical Arizona summer, hot, sunny, hot, and hot, but when I think back to those three months, I remember rain and cool green things, like I really spent the summer in the Olympic Rainforest."

Case in point: Not only did the author just GOOGLE search her location, she'd never actually been to the city..."Like I'd really spent the Summer in the Olympic Rainforest..." Like. Not that she'd actually ever been there, but it was "like" that. Thank God for imaginations...That's like me setting a story in Russia and only using the 10 percent of my tiny little brain to come up with what I think Russia is like. I would be embarassed to even admit that I'd never been to Olympia, WA, or that I used google as my primary options for research.

When asked who her inspirations for Twilight was, I absolutely had to sit here and laugh. Literally. Here is her list of inspirations:

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë
Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë
Romeo and Juliete by Shakespere

Please tell me how those amazing classic novels ever aided in the inspiration behind Twilight because I don't see a lick of it anywhere along the lines.

I mean, how anyone is attracted to dialogue like this is beyond me:



Where is the Shakespere in the above scene? Please let me know how three of some of the most world renound authors mentioned above could ever afford to lend a tinker in the thought process of this novel. I seriously want to know.

Am I being a hater? Perhaps. I feel it's justified by the fact that this is the BS kids are reading these days, and adults are somehow adopting the books as real literature. I'm probably pissing off all kinds of fans as we speak, but whatever man. An unproperly researched book based off of characters from a dream the author had plus the fact that she "purposely geared the series towards 15 year olds." Fifteen is a little too generous in my book.

Twilight has a following.
How do the Brontë sisters not?

Mind boggling.

Velvet Assassin (XBOX360)

After reading a (dare I call it) review of this video game on another website, I had to write my own. The original review I read was a shoddy translation of the game as if the writer had read the wikipedia, watched the youtube trailer and left it at that.

Here is my take on the hottest sleeper video game to hit your local video game store shelves this spring.



Slight backgrounds: Losely based on the life of real life Assassin Violette Szabo, the game births you in the midst of Violette Summer on a morphine high contemplating her life's worth during her tour of war in France, 1944. "I long to be back in the war, that was my true home," she states. After a series of flashbacks, you are thrust into your first mission.

I'm a stickler for camera angels and the fluidity of controls. I was pleased to see this is a third person game, with full 360 degrees of camera angles. As most first levels are mainly used as a sort of learning tool, you immediately see that your ability to "sneak" is going to be a dependence thruought the game. I'm a fan of games that require strategy instead of walking into a room and shooting up a place. You start out with only your slaying knife, and in the beginning the only way you're going to get your kill count higher is by sneaking up on your enemy and striking him from behind. You start to get the hang of hiding in dark corners, bushes, sides of buildings and behind boxes at the same time always keeping one eye on the SS officer in front of you lest you make a noise and he draws his gun and comes charging.

Best part about Velvet Assassin can be summed up in two words, ready? Morphine. Mode. Take a look at your transformation upone immediately injecting yourself with the good M:



When you're in a pinch, or an SS officer is in a spot where sneaking is out of the question, Morphine Mode will pause time into a dreamlike state as you slip into your nightgown and run slow motion amidst floaty blood platelets. Unless you've leveled up some, Morphine Mode only lasts about ten seconds, and once you've killed it abruptly ends.

Finding collectables and other such treasures will help you gain experience points and ultimately let you level up in three categories: Stealth, Morphine, and Strength. Collectables can be found in either little hiding places around the level, or after you've ransacked the body of a slain SS Soldier. After 1000 points (each collectable is worth 100), you get prompted to Level Up.

My main question about halfway through the second level: Do you get weapons? Yes and no. Yes because you are awarded with a Colt in a locker with seven bullets, but once the bullets are gone you're back to your trusty knife. My main complaint is that there are never bullet packs to refil your Colt in the beginning. Level three ends with you toting a large shot gun on your back, but as level four begins it's gone from your inventory, so that was curious.



I'm halfway through Velvet Assassin. Yes the missions take a bit of planning and timing, but that's what makes this interesting to me. There is a lot of just sitting, waiting, and listening to random rapid conversations in German (one random convo was about two SS soldiers fighting over chocolate). And I'd like to note that the missions are NOT hard, it's when you slip up and make a noise that makes them all come running and that's when I die.

I love the ambiant of the game, you really do feel thrown back into WWII Nazi-ridden France. The graphics have been well thought through as seen in this image below, an expample of shaddowing:



XPLAY's Morgan Webb stated that she didn't like how every move was dictated through narration or subtitled prompts, but I actually invite it. I'm not the best critical thinker so little snippets of guidence are welcomed by me. What's better than being a beautiful Assassin and hiding in the shaddows while slaying Nazi's all night? Yeah, you let me know if you can top that.

I Know Your Girlfriend Hates Me

First of all, would you ever say no to this face:



Oh, Annie.
Who else could look just as sweet while comparing someone's disposability to that of a piece of gum?

You know I'm sure we've all found ourselves in a situation where there was dislike from the signifigant other of a close friend. Her new track pokes ridicule at such mistrusting idividuals.

This new song with the above blog title has been rolling on her MySpace.com player for weeks but only in a minute and thirty or so second clip.

Not anymore.

Best line from this song: "Life's too long for you to get it wrong."
Enjoy:
I Know Your Girlfriend Hates Me - MP3

When Under Ether

Mashups are either extremely well done or just complete trash.

This was sent to me by one of my closest friends yesterday, a mash of Ratatat vs. PJ Harvey's 'Ether.' Whomever mashed this did a superior job. And its finally good to hear lyrics set to a Ratatat song.



Ratatat vs. PJ Harvey - Under Ether mp3

Miss Derringer

Sometimes you have to suck it up and love the Los Angeles music scene.
Miss Derringer being that of a rare jewel arrising from this city that seems to sometimes soley crank out blasted indie-core with dim lyrics and boring drones.

I always said that the Raveonettes are best at covers, but I found this today: 'Unchained' by Miss Derringer.

[[PS: I'm dedicating 'Unchained' to my beautiful Goddaughter, of whom I will never have enough time with. I love you, Christina.]]
Miss Derringer - Unchained mp3
Miss Derringer - Tonight I've Got A Bottle mp3
Miss Derringer - Black Tears mp3
Miss Derringer - Death Car Ride mp3
Miss Derringer - Heartbreak and Razorblades mp3
Miss Derringer - He Hung On A Sunday mp3
Miss Derringer - Don't Say I Told You So mp3

She's going to be at the Viper room Jan 14, 2008. I want nothing more than to see her perform "Tonight I've Got a Bottle." I'm going to be drinking my daddy's drink [whiskey] while standing in the front being rowdy...oh,yes.